Why Do We Sometimes Need to Be Right?

An ordinary disagreement — over a route, a date, a way of doing something — can suddenly grow out of proportion. We cling to our version, argue, insist, even though what's really at stake doesn't deserve that much energy.

What's rarely actually the topic

Being right is reassuring. It confirms that we are in control of the situation, that we are not wrong, that we haven't lost our footing. The need to be right is often less about the subject of the disagreement than about what losing would mean for the person insisting.

A more useful question than the debate itself

Before continuing to argue, one question often changes things: what would I actually lose by not being right here? The answer is rarely the topic under discussion.