Practical exercises

From knowledge to understanding: concrete exercises to observe your automatic reactions and progress toward conscious choice

📖 These exercises complement the book

The exercises presented here complement the practices described in the book <em>Choose instead of reacting</em>. For a complete understanding of the method and fundamental exercises (like the 7-day journal), we recommend getting the book.

Discover the book →

🌅 The 3-minute morning check-in

⏱️ 3 min/day

📅 Every morning

🎯 Prevention

Before even checking your phone, take 3 minutes to scan your inner state. This exercise helps you start the day in awareness rather than automatic reaction.

Protocol:

Sit on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, back straight
Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths
Scan your body: where do you feel tension? (jaw, shoulders, belly, chest)
Identify your emotional state of the moment without judging it
Set an intention: "Today, I observe my reactions without blindly following them"

💡 Tip:

Put your phone in another room the night before so you won''t be tempted to check it before this exercise.

🔔 The awareness alarm

⏱️ 30 sec × 3/day

📅 Daily

🎯 Observation

Set 3 random alarms during your day (morning, noon, evening). When the alarm sounds, stop for 30 seconds to observe which strategy you were in at the precise moment of the alarm.

At each alarm:

Immediate stop: freeze in the moment
Observe your physical posture (tense? withdrawn? forward? imposing?)
Identify your mental state (criticizing? justifying? analyzing? complaining?)
If you were in interaction: what effect were you having on the other person?
Mentally note the identified strategy without judging yourself

💡 Advice:

Use different times each day so you don''t anticipate the alarm. The surprise effect is essential.

🌙 The micro-reactions review (evening)

⏱️ 5-10 min

📅 Every evening

🎯 Review & learning

Before sleeping, revisit 3 micro-interactions from your day where you reacted automatically, even briefly. The goal isn''t major situations, but the small everyday moments.

For each micro-interaction:

Recall the context in one sentence
Identify your first reaction (mental and/or physical)
Name the strategy that was active. What are your needs?
What really matters?
Observe the effect produced on the other person (even minimal)
Imagine how you could have reacted differently
Don''t judge yourself: this is simply an observation exercise

💡 Important:

Focus on short interactions (10-30 seconds). It''s in these moments that the strategy is most visible and pure.

🎭 The pause before speaking

⏱️ 2-3 sec

📅 At each interaction

🎯 Conscious choice

Advanced exercise: introduce a micro-delay between the impulse to speak and speech itself. This infinitesimal time creates the necessary space for conscious choice.

3-step protocol:

Feel: The impulse to speak rises (anger, need to question, complaint, withdrawal)
Pause: Before speaking, take ONE complete breath (2-3 seconds)
Choose: Ask yourself "Am I CHOOSING to say this, or is my strategy reacting?"
If it''s your strategy: rephrase or stay silent
If it''s a conscious choice: speak while fully assuming it

💡 Progression:

Start by applying this exercise to only ONE situation per day (e.g., at breakfast). Then gradually extend.

💬 The waiting line exercise

⏱️ Variable

📍 Supermarket, bank, administration

🎯 Pure observation

The waiting line is a perfect laboratory to observe our strategies. No major stakes, but real frustration that instantly reveals our automatic functioning.

In line:

Observe your first mental reflex when you realize the wait will be long
Note your body posture (tense? impatient? resigned? detached?)
Identify your automatic thoughts
If accompanied: observe what you spontaneously say
Spot your dominant strategy in this situation

💡 Clues by strategy:

Intimidator: "This is unacceptable", loud sighs, dark looks at staff
Interrogator: "Why is it so long?", counts people ahead, calculates time
Poor Me: "This only happens to me", "I have such bad luck", visible fatigue
Aloof: Checks phone, seems elsewhere, no visible emotion

🗣️ Receiving criticism

⏱️ Real-time

📍 Work, family, couple

🎯 Observation in action

When someone criticizes you, observe your immediate reaction before responding. Criticism is a powerful trigger that reveals our strategy in seconds.

During criticism:

Notice the first sensation in your body (heat, tension, constriction)
Identify your mental impulse (counterattack? justify? retreat? analyze?)
Before responding, take 3 conscious breaths
Ask: "Is this criticism factual or emotional?"
Choose your response rather than reacting

💡 Key:

The goal isn''t to accept all criticism, but to CHOOSE how you respond rather than react automatically.

❤️ Couple conflict

⏱️ During conflict

📍 Relationship

🎯 Pattern recognition

Conflicts with your partner follow predictable patterns. Observe the repetitive dance between your strategies rather than focusing on the content of the argument.

During or after conflict:

Identify your dominant strategy in this conflict
Recognize your partner''s strategy
Observe the dynamic: how do your strategies fuel each other?
Notice the "trigger point" where the escalation began
Ask: "What do I really need in this moment?"

💡 Pattern:

Most couple conflicts follow the same 2-3 patterns. Once you recognize yours, you can choose to exit the cycle.

💼 Work stress

⏱️ High-pressure moments

📍 Professional context

🎯 Crisis observation

Urgent deadlines and workplace pressure amplify our strategies. These moments reveal our automatic patterns with particular clarity.

Under stress:

Notice your first stress response (verbal, mental, physical)
Identify which strategy takes over
Observe the impact on your colleagues
Take a 2-minute break if possible (bathroom, water)
Return with awareness of your pattern

Aloof

"Sure." *agrees but internally already checked out* *half-hearted effort*